I have just survived the most intense week of my year and, emotionally, I am feeling a little frazzled. I don’t even know where to start to described what this week has achieved for our small New Zealand cult awareness movement. I think perhaps it opened the hearts and minds of New Zealanders a little bit more, and maybe even some who are in a position to legislate change. I don’t know how much, and I don’t know what it will lead to, but I am feeling that something has shifted. I feels a bit like the shift that occurred in May 2021, around the airing of the Warner Brothers Centrepoint docu-drama “Heaven & Hell: The Centrepoint Story”. In that week I was in the public eye. I was terrified. I felt like I was walking through a mall wearing no clothes. I felt opened up wide, with the things most dear to me on display. This attention on the topic did lead to some commitment to change.
It lead to a feeling of a wave building, and some of us, those who had also lived at Centrepoint as children, those of us who wanted things to be different, needed to jump on that wave. The wave lead to some former Centrepoint children joining together to talk about restorative justice for the children, and how they wanted to contribute to this.
Since then there has been further ongoing quiet change, and ultimately for me at least, I have formed and strengthened connections with other people, people who have determined strength and conviction (and actually quite a lot of energy) to push against the complacency and inaction both from within the general populace, and also within national leadership. I have found collaborators, each person working extraordinarily in their own domains to make noise and continue to fight for safety, protection, awareness, research, and collaboration with the ultimate goal of controlling the spread and reducing the harm of cults in New Zealand.
I started a radio show (also a podcast) in July 2023 called Cult Chat with two of these collaborators - we now have over 40 episodes released, and we had the honour of receiving an award for our efforts at the NZ Radio and Podcast Awards in 2024. This felt remarkable, but there was more to come.
A bit more than a year ago my friend Anke Richter rung me up and told me she was thinking that New Zealand needed a cult awareness conference. It was just a crazy idea at that stage. We talked it through together, I offered my hesitant support - quietly believing that she was a little bit mad, but knowing, if anyone could do it, it would be Anke. In fact, I think in the last year or so, I have said this out-loud about ten times to various different people. So followed many more conversations, nutting out the details of who needed to be there, what was important and what wasn’t, and there were many successes and a few disappointments. The slow building of a team of supporters, and a slow development of the team of key speakers became the now named Decult Conference 2024. We debated over ‘conference’ - was this the right word? We debated over the audience - how was it going to work with essentially no limits to who could come? We debated over the name. I told her my husband had invented this word ‘decultivate’ - she rejected that but went with ‘Decult’ instead. She might debate the origins but that is the story I am telling.
The publicity building up the event was extraordinary - people at my work or on the edges of my life, once they realised I was involved as a speaker, began pointing out ‘it seems that this event is all over the news all of a sudden’ - and yes it was. Every radio or tv or online platform was suddenly talking about cults. It felt almost as if everyone suddenly was talking about cults - social proof in action (if everyone is doing it, it must be a good thing). And then I was pushed into the limelight, to do my bit to promote the part of the conversation I most care about - the health impacts of cults, particularly on the children. And so followed more articles and interviews with our key speakers, and the energy kept building.
And then the day arrived and we were there at the beginning of Decult. Based at the Tūranga Library in central Christchurch - a beautiful post-earthquake rebuild - which has a high mezzanine-like second floor, deep windows that flood both sides of the second floor with light, and the stacks around us reminding us that we were in a place where information came free and without a price-tag. There was a collaborative buzz in the air, an expectancy and a few surprises for me from the antendees - more came from overseas than I expected, and some people even came from forgotten areas of my life. People kept saying, “It's more impressive than I was expecting,” and they looked ready to settle in for a good ride.
The opening address on the first morning by Christchurch Central Labour MP the Honourable
Duncan Webb reminded us that this issue is not niche, not special to notorious groups like Centrepoint and Gloriavale, but an issue which we all must understand and recognise.
He was followed by the diminutive but fiery Dr Janja Lalich, author of multiple books on cults, including “Take Back Your Life” and "Escaping Utopia”. Both these books are extremely important resources for people who have left cults. She spoke from the heart, helping the audience to understand the context that cults occur in, the devastating costs over the decades and why we must care. I sat listening, thinking of the last couple of nights where I was on taxi duty, taking this inspiring elderly academic from California around Christchurch, holding her hand as she navigated the steps in and out of our different venues, and learning more about her academic research and relationships with other inspirational researchers and leaders such as Robert Jay Lifton and Margaret Singer.
Each time she saw me she would say, “Are you going to start a research group here in New Zealand, Caroline? I’m sending every one who asks me about research your way.” She must have said this to me 15 times over the last week.
After Dr Lalich’s key-note address it was time for me to mount the stage with four others. Dr Lalich, whose research into the impacts on children of growing up in and leaving cults is the only published book on this topic (where are the other works, I ask myself? Where???).
Maria Esguerra, a friend of mine, a successful business woman, a psychologist, a mother, an advocate for change, a powerful and articulate voice for justice, and a former child of the Children of God cult. Her passion shook the audience, speaking of the harms caused to the forgotten children of this extremely damaging international cult. Joining us also was Luke Hollis, a just graduated psychologist, a new friend of mine, an advocate for research into this field, and once a child in the Jehovah's Witnesses - he was able to voice the child experience of a group right on our shores, and the impacts on his life, relationships and world view as a child. Facilitating the discussion was Adam Dudding, a journalist and award winning podcaster - many of you would have listened to “The Commune” which was all about Centrepoint. I can’t recall what the five of us said - far too much adrenaline buzzing about in my system - but I remember feeling safe, and proud of my companions and extremely privileged that I was standing together with these extraordinary people, demanding that the room notice the profound impacts that cults have on children.
The rest of the day is a bit of a blur in my memory. I didn’t attend every session, as there were some which ran parallel to those I chose. As they were all recorded, I didn't have the panic I have felt before at conferences - I know I will get to watch them later. As a result, if you missed out, you can still get a ticket to view these sessions, even now after the fact.
Highlights:
The extremely bizarre experience of trying to walk to the coffee line and being stopped by people who wanted to talk to me, connect and tautoko my effort. So many high-fives and much encouragement. Many hard stories. I never got the coffee.
Listening to Lauri McConnell Conti talk about the Two By Twos. Laura is a new friend of mine, an activist in Australia who has recently reached out to me, and a fifth generation from the 2x2s, the groups with no name. She is colourful, she is extraordinary, she is a fighter, and she wants the world to see and understand what the secret group that she was born into - the 2x2s - are doing to their members. There is a rising up right now in the world as survivors of this previously almost invisible group with a large international membership (there are 2500 2x2s in New Zealand) are finding their voices. The FBI are currently investigating the group after repeated reports of endemic levels of child sexual abuse in this group.
Groomed by Bill Gothard - Rachel Lees was a trusting young woman, trained by her conservative Christian background to be compliant and submissive, to be good. When she was chosen by the powerful and charismatic American leader Bill Gothard, of the Institute of Basic Life Principles (IBLP), a massive conservative American Christian movement. She worked for him for a year, and in that time experienced gradual grooming and covert sexual harassment. Rachel shared her experiences of speaking out, taking Bill on in the American legal system, and finding other victims like herself. Rachel shined the light on grooming in high-control groups and the slow but pervasive methods that are often used to gradually gain control over another person.
Rock the Watch Tower - this panel was fascinating for me, not having had much exposure to the Jehovah's Witnesses. The room was introduced to Australian Lara Kaput who has spent years fighting for legislative change in Australia around cult abuse, supporting the activism of others all over the world, and writing submissions to government about the harms caused by the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Shayne Mechen shared his heart for supporting leavers coming out of the Jehovah’s Witnesses and the rise of support groups in NZ. Scott Homan pointed to the healing power of using ones creative freedom to find reprieve while inside a group, and then healing through creativity after leaving. Watch his awesome movie “Witness Underground” which premiered in New Zealand the night before. We also heard from Micki McAllen, an instagram and TikTok activist, who posts as Apostate Barbie about her reflections on her experiences in the Jay-Dubs.
Finally, at the end of the day - there were some sessions I missed as I was pulled into conversations over a cup of tea - we were lead through a 4-minute per person Story Jam, facilitated by my friend Lindy Jacomb. Each person who came on stage shared a creative reflection of their time in the group they were a part of. A group of inspirational survivors modelling to the room creative expression, reclamation of identity and pushing off of shame.
In the end, some of us rolled out of the venue and had a meal at a roof-top bar. There I was able to meet more of the attendees, many survivors from groups (some I had not heard of), who talked to me of their time in the group, and importantly, their struggles and their successes after leaving. Finding a way to talk themselves out of suicide, finding a way to rebuild their lives, finding connection and overcoming stigma. I felt extremely privileged to be trusted with some raw stories over a glass of wine. Still, one more day to go and the public solo presentation ahead of me on Sunday morning, I headed home for the night.
There is so much more to say, so I’m going to post my reflections on Day Two of Decult on another post.
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